I once had a male friend joke that it’s impossible to date a rational woman because they don’t exist. I beg to differ, and so does our awesome guest post from Alicia Wise, a featured publisher from Loveawake.com dating site. Enjoy!
Hysteria (noun): an uncontrollable outburst of emotion or fear, often characterized by irrationality, laughter, weeping, etc.
Now consider the etymology of the word “hysterical”:
Hysterical: 1610s, from L. hystericus “of the womb,” from Gk. hysterikos “of the womb, suffering in the womb,” from hysteria “womb”. Originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus.
Throughout the ages, women have often been regarded as emotional, irrational creatures. Today’s women generally have the same opportunity as men in the social and professional arenas to decide, design, achieve, lead, create and succeed. Still, it is a stereotype that persists.
Personally, I know plenty of remarkable, professional women whose logic and rationality are impeccable in society and in the workplace. However, most of the people that I have encountered in my life who were emotional and irrational in their private lives have tended to be of the female gender. I am sure this is the case for most of you. This only serves to reinforce the aforementioned stereotype.
I am not condoning writing off women as incapable of rationality and cool-headed reasoning. My personal remarks are not misogynist, nor do I claim to base them on extensive statistical or empirical evidence. My point is that this is a matter of perception. Women are still perceived to be emotional and irrational, and this affects me as a woman: I am expected to be somewhat emotional and irrational, at least in some personal-life situations. Dating is one of them.
This infuriates me! Dating as a rational, logical, analytical woman isn’t easy to start with, as we over-think things. Imagine adding to that being labeled irrational by nature. We feel largely misunderstood. Here are some pointers if one of us happens to gracefully cross your dating path:
1. Trust and appreciate our rationality
Don’t make assumptions on how you think we would react to a specific situation or set of data. If your reasoning process and arguments are sound, there is no reason why we wouldn’t be able to understand and relate. You have nothing to fear, as we are fair, independent, responsible and non-judgmental. Also, listen to us. Yes, we overthink and overanalyze at times, but our points are mostly valid as they were reached by means of flawless logic and rigorous reasoning. We may get stuck and insist on clarifying or correcting a point: don’t take it personally; we value clarity above all else. We are critical of others and can take criticism well, as long as it is benevolent and makes sense. Share your thinking with us, and, most importantly, don’t patronize us!
2. Objectify us
We know we’re smart and capable. We’re used to being praised for our minds all our lives. Our bodies are a different story. We may conclude that we are good-looking after ruthless and impartial assessment, and we may well be very confident about our looks, but as rational beings we are acutely aware that this is a subjective domain. We want to know that YOU find us beautiful and sexy. Tell us in lustful terms. Look at us as if you we’re a kid ogling his favorite candy. Touch is as if your life depended on contact with our skin.
3. Acknowledge our feelings
We may be unemotional but it doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. We value reason above emotions, and may be out of touch with our feelings, not allowing ourselves to experience or express them fully or not letting them factor in any given situation, which may be unhealthy. Bear with us as we grapple with these feelings. Make us feel safe and accepted enough to express them. Give us second chances for the execution as we may go about this through trial and error. In return, we promise not to go about it hysterically, dramatically or sappily: we wouldn’t be capable of it.
4. Enjoy the perks!
- No hysterical emotional outbursts!
- We are not likely to be jealous or possessive
- We are largely easygoing and amenable
- We will be interested in and will endeavor to understand your work, no matter how technical it is
- We have a wicked sense of humor
- We will get along great with your guy friends, can act as “one of the guys” and completely understand that you need to go off with them on your own and do “guy stuff”