It may have been less than two weeks since the last Premier League fixture, but my goodness how we’ve missed it.
And with the season three games in, and the transfer window having closed, there’s plenty to catch up on.
David Luiz’s surprise transfer deadline day move
In one of the more surprising twists of transfer deadline day, David Luiz returned to Chelsea from Paris Saint-Germain. And while the move raised a few eyebrows, the Brazilian defender’s transfer back to London will at the very least bring a few Sideshow Bob gifs back into the Twitter-sphere.
Arsenal actually bought some players
In circumstances which we assume led Arsene Wenger’s bank to contact him warning of unexpected spending patterns, the Frenchman shelled out over Â£50 million on Shkodran Mustafi in defence and Lucas Perez up front. Good news for Arsenal fans, whose squad is well-stocked, but bad news for staff, who can expect single-ply toilet paper for the rest of the season to cover the cost.
One of Hull City or Middlesbrough are definitely going to win the Premier League
We’re a bit bored of underdogs winning the Premier League, so how refreshing it was to see Manchester United, Manchester City and Chelsea making up the top three. We’re just waiting for Hull, who have six points from nine, and Middlesbrough, who are unbeaten, to fall away now. Come on guys, over-achievement is so last year.
Sergio Aguero is banned and will miss the Manchester derby
Yes, with a petulant swing of his arm, Sergio Aguero earned himself a three-game ban, and will miss the Manchester derby as a result. Rumour has it Eric Bailly has taken a lieu day in light of the news.
Jack Wilshere moved to Bournemouth to save his career
Jack Wilshere continues his meteoric rise to the summit of English football with a loan move to Bournemouth, where the doctors will presumably take a look at his legs and shrug their shoulders. The Arsenal midfielder has taken the step with a view to resurrecting his career; it’s a big risk.
Joe Hart moved to Torino and is called Charles
At best, a mixed couple of weeks for Joe Hart. Or should that be… Charles? Not only did Hart move ignominiously to Torino, but on the same day it was also revealed that his real name is Charles Joseph John Hart. They say bad things come in threes, so watch out for one more Charles Hart gaffe in Serie A.
Leicester won a game!
The reigning Premier League champions took some time to get three points on the board, having lost on the opening day to prospective Champions League winners Hull, and drawn against last season’s runners-up, Arsenal. All that was rectified however with a confident 2-1 home win against Swansea. Don’t mess us around Leicester – there are expectations now.
Marcus Rashford continues to write his own headlines
We’ve waited a while, but it seems that English football has finally been graced with the real-life Roy of the Rovers it deserves. Marcus Rashford can do no wrong, and having scored the winning goal against Hull before the international break, he went on to score a hat-trick on his England under-21 debut. Start up the hype machine everyone, football’s coming home.
Return of winged wonders Raheem Sterling and Eden Hazard
These two wing wizards went off the boil last season causing outrage in the fantasy football community, but now they’re bang in form. Between them, the duo have four goals and three assists in the opening three games of the season – that’s 29 points in fantasy land.
Caption this… ð
A photo posted by Daniel Sturridge – Dstudge (@iamdanielsturridge) on
You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Well, it appears Jurgen Klopp doesn’t like Daniel Sturridge, and he certainly looked angry when the German boss brought Divock Origi on against Tottenham instead of him. Careful Daniel, they ship the English under-performers out to Torino these days.
The better players Stoke City buy, the worse they get
After years of being told how boring they’d become by the public, Mark Hughes arrived at Stoke and attempted a revamp, bringing in flair players such as Bojan Krkic and Xherdan Shaqiri. But like some kind of footballing Dorian Gray, the more beautiful Stoke’s players become, the uglier their results get, leaving Stoke bottom after three games.